the same ol' romance

There are as many types of relationships as there are people but the mainstream trend in YA literature seems to have latched on to one particular type of relationship and it's disconcerting. We can all probably think of a handful of books that feature a heroine who falls for the somehow unworldly, mysterious, and often dangerous male counterpart, frequently over the more average, amiable male friend.

This kind of relationship where the guy is aloof, often older, and leaves others in awe simply by existing isn't new but the focus it's been given over the past several years, especially in YA, makes me a bit worried. I think that literature should represent a wide variety of everything but if you're going to narrow your scope why can't it be on something that's positive? This romantic relationship [found everywhere from Twilight to Divergent to the Mortal Instruments series and beyond] is typically unhealthy. These kinds of romantic story-lines glorify a relationship in which there is little in the way of real respect between partners and the women are often reduced to innocent children who only survive the ordeals of the story because Mr. McHunking Mysterious is there to lend an ever wiser, more experienced hand.

I take issue with this kind of relationship on a lot of levels that I won't go into here but my main problem is that this is the pervasive example teens are being given today of what a relationship should look like. Believing this idea is what leads to things like the absolute farce of a "relationship" in 50 Shades of Grey. When we perpetuate the idea that the desirable men in life are the ones that make snide remarks, don't particularly care for the feelings of others, and constantly keep you dangling on the end of a string that's what girls internalize. That's what they come to want in a relationship which sets up situations in which they are more easily taken advantage of and abused, sometimes without realizing that the treatment they are receiving isn't what they deserve. Mystery has long been an appealing factor but I think there are healthier ways to integrate that aspect of attraction into a romance.

It can be easy, as writers, to fall into similar patterns as what has been done before. If you're developing a romantic story-line, it's natural to reference back to those romances you've read before. Reading is a vital part of developing craft as a writer as it's the best way to learn from other people. But that means that what you read influences your own work and that can cause problems and help perpetuate ideas we don't realize we're aligning our work with. The best way to avoid that, of course, is to read a wide range of books. Identify what you do and don't like about them and keep that list as a reference for yourself. If we don't keep those tropes and trends we don't like ready to hand they may find a subtle way to sneak into our story. As Mad Eye Moody would say: