thank goodness for fall

I cannot tell you how happy I am that it's October! I've never had a particular connection with this month aside from the season it's associated with here in the northern hemisphere but I'm developing a growing appreciation. Mostly because it's not September.

This September harked back to the same time last year in a bad way. Last September was the first time in 17 years that I wasn't going back to school and I had yet to find a job. I think life shortly after graduation is something that throws most people for a loop. For me, that loop took the form of a month of depression. Up until I started at my current job I was not in a good place and I had no idea what to do. Getting a job in October pulled me out of it and got me to feeling more like myself again. I've been looking back on that month as one of the most confusing and difficult times of my life that I would make every effort to avoid in the future. I suppose some decisions aren't ours to make.

This last month felt almost like a mirror image of last year, except that I had a job, and I couldn't figure out why. I'm still not sure what caused the sudden onset of melancholy and the struggle to care about or act on anything. In a sense it felt like life just stopped, but only for me. It didn't make sense. I've been out of school for over a year, I have a job, I have my writing projects and other things to focus on. So what's the problem? My husband's suggestion is the only thing that makes any sense, though I don't have a formal diagnosis - seasonal depression.

I'm an east coast girl through and through so living in Utah can be a struggle for me at times. I do love it here - there is breathtaking beauty in all parts of the world - but the winters can feel unbearable and this year I felt dread instead of my usual joy when people started talking about the coming autumn. Because it meant that winter was coming too.

I suppose it's ironic then, that this week has seen the coldest temperatures we've had since spring and I love it. As September ended I've been feeling better and I'm trying to hold onto the two weeks of fall we get here for as long as I can. I'm feeling excited about my writing again and my energy is coming back so hopefully I'll be more regular here with more to share.

A silver lining about having times like these is that I seem to par my priorities down to a very basic level and what I'm left with helps me to reorient and reorganize parts of me and my life that need it when the sky starts to clear. Sometimes we learn what's valuable in our lives when something comes in and suddenly changes it. Other times, we learn what we need through its absence, even if its brief, and its return will only cement that surety.

So I don't know about you, but I'm glad fall is here. The next three months will probably be insanity with holidays, having a friend to visit, and other family events unfolding but I'm looking forward to it.