I know I don't usually use this blog for very introspective things and fear not, that's not changing. I was just trying to think of what to talk about this week and what came to mind isn't writing-oriented but I can't shake it tonight.
I typically stay out of discussions about various topics that are prevalent right now. This stems from personal ignorance [like with politics] as well as a desire to avoid offending others or just getting into angry yelling matches [as often seems to happen whenever religion is brought up]. To even say you're religious is to draw criticism much of the time, forget about identifying as a member of the LDS church [Mormons], so I usually keep my nose out of heated conversations.
I have a lot of friends who are not members of my faith and I love them all dearly. They're wonderful people that I'm blessed to know and I hope they've never felt that I've tried to impose my beliefs on them, as Christians are often accused, and sadly guilty of doing. When I think of these friends, I like to focus on what brought us together and the things we share rather than our differences, but sometimes I'm reminded just how differently we see the world.
With adults, sometimes all it takes is a difference of opinion to spell the end of a friendship but, aside from distancing myself from toxic relationships, I hope to never use that excuse. Not because I'm determined to "bring everyone to baptism" [though I wouldn't complain :P], but because I know my life would suffer for losing those people. The older I've gotten and the more I've come to understand and evaluate my own beliefs, the less these differences of opinion make me angry as sometimes happened when I was a teenager. I don't enjoy getting into shouting matches where each side is ignoring the other person's point of view. I don't like the feeling of anger that so often comes with the choice to be offended. Oddly enough, these differences make me sad, and I don't mean in a condescending way. My heart hurts.
I have seen so much pain, and struggle, and suffering happen in friends' lives that might have been different, better, more bearable if they knew what I know and saw the world the way I see it. I'll be the last Mormon to claim that my life is free of suffering because of the doctrine I believe in. While my life has not seen the hardships that many have had to endure, I have had, and continue to have my own trials - many of which have threatened my mental and emotional well-being in very real ways. No, struggles, and suffering, are a part of life. But when I look back on the things I've gone through and those of my friends, mine feel like they were less - not because they weren't hard, but because I see things differently and it is amazing how much perspective can change your trials without taking them away.
So many of these arguments that are taking place in our country, in our world, right now - the debates about abortion and gay marriage - I hesitate to join in because I feel like people aren't focusing on the central disagreement. How can I explain why I believe what I believe about these issues when your argument is based on one idea and mine is founded on something deeper that changes the context of the problem entirely? It is hard enough to communicate with someone who is willing to honestly listen to what you have to say, how much harder when you're almost talking about separate things? Perspective. So it's easy to get frustrated and upset when people broach these topics and you feel like they aren't listening. I just wish we knew better how to communicate.
Okay, that's it.
I know what you mean. It's hard enough when my friends' opinions are so different from mine, but worse when they are kind of in your face about it. For instance, stating that a lot of us are going to find ourselves "on the wrong side of history" when it comes to gay marriage or that "love is love".
ReplyDeleteI was even more shocked to see a friend talk about how Wendy Davis' fillibuster was nothing short of inspiring and that she would be donating to her campaign. It's inspiring that she is trying to make sure babies can be aborted after 20 weeks? This friend is a mom of two children, so it's even more shocking that after seeing her own 20 week ultrasounds that she could justify something so horrible. The only thing that made me feel better was that only four of her hundreds of friends liked her comment and no one chimed in to say they agreed. I would like to think that the majority of people are horrified by the idea of a baby being killed at such a late stage.
It's the irony that so many people refuse to listen to your point of view, so many say we're close-minded and ignorant and how many other things, but then they refuse to consider what you're saying as much as they accuse you of doing to them.
DeleteThankfully, I haven't had friends that treat me that poorly.
It can be a bit of a shock to see what other people support but I can't help thinking it goes back to a fundamental difference in understanding of the world and who we are. Which makes it harder when you see disagreements among the members, because those are the people you assumed believed the same.