ending and beginning

So two weeks and day now since my last post. I suppose that's an improvement but considering that my finals ended on Wednesday [my birthday, I know] I don't have much of any excuse for not posting on time. Or earlier today. On the bright side, I have been busy today helping my brother move and going to my best friend's graduation! I also made a successful trip to Joann's all by myself tonight as Tim is out of town camping with his brothers, possibly getting eaten by bears. I picked up some thread for an alteration project, some embroidery thread for my cross-stitch project, and some glass-head pins for the sewing class I'm taking this spring. Yay!

Guys, classes start on Monday. I thought I just got done with a semester! The good news is, I'm only taking two classes, one: the aforementioned sewing class for which I am stoked [I grew up helping my mom sew things occasionally so I know basic basics but I got a sewing machine for my wedding and I am ashamed to say I haven't used it since I got it...], and the second class is Writing Fiction for which I am super stoked. As you know, I've only been piece-meal writing this semester so I'm excited to throw myself into this class, to explore and grow and have deadlines that I can't rationalize myself out of! Wow, whoever thought I'd be grateful for those? Probably the same person who knew that, one day, I would get all giggly and excited over looking for a new apartment and seeing how many listings have a dishwasher. Guys, sometimes I feel a little pathetic. But, seriously, a dishwasher is like my ultimate dream right now. I am so sick of washing silverware and glasses by hand.

In the interest of keeping up the thinly veiled pretense that this is a writing blog: two short reviews of recently read/watched things:

Unwholly by Neal Shusterman
This is the second in the Unwind trilogy that Shusterman wasn't planning on writing when he wrote Unwind which was originally meant as a stand-alone novel. Ever since I read that he was publishing a sequel I have been chomping at the bit to get my hands on this book and it was worth it. Unwholly has all of the main characters from Unwind as well as several new ones. Shusterman writes from each person's point of view, rotating chapters, but the characters were so split up in this book that at the start I found myself wishing he would move between the story lines a little bit more but that happens more frequently as the book goes on and rising action occurs more in each. Unwholly has all the suspense and drama of Unwind with that same crazy break-neck pace that propels you through the chapters with a will of its own. I have to say that I hated a good portion of this book but not because it was poorly written or anything, I just hated what some of the characters were doing. I think that in Unwind you're always on the same page with the characters and you  understand their motivations. Unwholly isn't handed to you that way, particularly with Risa's story line. There are decisions made that, when you first see them, make a sort of rational sense but your mind rebels because they seem out of character. For anyone who may be concerned about inconsistent characters, let me assure you, they aren't. You just have to wait for the explanation and the wait is maddening. Because Unwind wasn't meant as the first in a trilogy, the ending is more conclusive than its successor which hits the last page with a massive cliff-hanger that left me almost literally begging for the next book which I intend to devour just as fast as Unwholly whenever I get my hands on it.

The Host [movie]
Unfortunately, I'm ending on a poor note this week. I'll try not to unleash the millions of complaints I have about this movie but I thought it would be worth it to warn anyone who has read the book and was thinking of going. I have a friend who saw this when it first came out and she told me she thought it was alright, especially since she went into it expecting another Twilight so I was optimistic. The irony is that I feel like the effectively degraded the story down as close as they could get to Twilight which is saying something considering how much better The Host is in comparison as a book. Anyone who's read the two will agree that Wanderer/Melanie are really strong characters in their own rights, willful and strengthened through various experiences in their lives. What I saw on screen was these two characters reduced to a Bella Swan-like state. There was no willpower in Wanderer at all and both seemed to take turns just rolling over helplessly in the face of adversity. The movie was incredibly inconsistent with the book [ex: Melanie makes Wanderer move almost once a scene whereas in the book she is able to move her own body a maximum of two-three times] but, even  worse, the film was glaringly inconsistent with itself. The mistakes in continuity between scenes was so mind-blowing that I just started laughing after a while to keep from throwing my drink at the screen.
I'm going to stop before I really get on a roll for the third time since seeing this movie. If you still want to see it, then go. I'd like to hear your opinion on it since I'm dying to know if I'm the only person who thought it was this bad. But don't say I didn't warn you.

i've heard it too many times to ignore it

I think I just climbed back up from falling off the face of the earth. That's what it feels like anyway. These last few weeks have been absolutely insane. Winter semester is always brutal but for some reason this year it was a lot worse. My brain may or may not have actually started melting and running out of my ears. I'm still trying to find all the pieces again but I'm optimistic. I mean, I've started to look into a Creative Writing MFA program so I suppose that means I'm recovering since I have been going into a coma anytime someone even mentioned grad school in passing in the last eight months.

Because I've been so crushed for time with all my projects and assignments I've been hard pressed to make much headway on my writing [though I have picked up cross-stitching... o.0] so I'm excited for the end of classes and finals so I can dedicate more time to it [writing I mean].

So much is changing, guys. I'm graduating in August, my husband just got a real life job that he [thankfully] loves, I'm contemplating grad school, even if only in the most timid sense. Adulthood kind of sneaks up on you doesn't it? You spend you're life playing in mud puddles and making up cool secret handshakes then suddenly you've got a job [or need a job], a car, a family, and you find yourself wondering who you are now and what does that mean? I have a friend who has struggled as long as I've known her with finding happiness in her life. Not that she has a bad life, she'll even tell you she has it really good but she just struggles with being aggressively negative all the time and my heart goes out to her. I know I can be a complain-a-saurus but it just blows me away how amazing life is and it's humbling to remember that when I'm having a bad day. It's so easy to get down on yourself [and others] for countless reasons, to believe that you or someone else isn't good enough. Guys. We are amazing. 

I've been questioning a lot about my talents, wishes, and abilities recently as some of my attitudes have begun shifting regarding the plans I thought I had for the future and I don't think it's ever going to stop being at least a little frightening but there's so much peace. A woman in my ward told me the other day that she applied to her graduate program despite anxieties and fears because she realized that she would definitely fail if she never even tried. I thought that was profound. I'm a little ship that likes to stay anchored in the harbor where things are familiar, even if that means I feel like I'm missing something. So, to quote William G.T. Shedd, "A ship in a harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for." So I'm realizing that I need to pull up my anchor and turn my little sails to the wind. This doesn't make me feel any more sure about the future and heaven knows storms are waiting out on the seas that will really test me and that's terrifying. But you know what brings the peace? Knowing that sailing the seas of life is what I am made for. It's what we're all made for. We are spectacular. My husband teases me sometimes for getting so caught up in the beauty I see in the world sometimes [let's just say it's a good thing he does most of the driving] but there is something more beautiful than the world we've been given to live in. Us. 

Maybe I'll never become a best-selling author [though I am still holding out for that dream :)]. Maybe I'll never be a world-renowned figure for anything, but why do I need to be? I have the power to make beauty where I am in so many ways and while the world might never know who I am, I do and that's more than I think some people can say. So there are a lot of questions I don't have answers to yet like, what's the main conflict in this freaking story? or, what is the next year going to look like for my family? But having all the answers now would make our memories boring so I brandish my imaginary sword and say "Come future, I've decided that we shall be friends." [and if that doesn't make sense to you I hope it at least made you laugh]

I didn't intend for this to become a pep-talk post but maybe someone needs it today, even if that one person turns out to have been me : P

On a side note, these two songs have been stuck in my head since I found them yesterday. I know the first looks like a weird mash-up but give it a chance, 2:20 gives me chills. And the second is officially my favorite version of Rainbow Connection and just makes me happy. The coolest part? She has free mp3 files that you can download on her website!