I've been thinking a lot lately about how people talk [or don't] about their talents. Somehow, as a society, we've put ourselves in the situation where we discourage talking about a skill or talent unless you are the unquestionable master of it which is ridiculous because that leaves only a handful of people worldwide who are given social permission to discuss their abilities without scorn. I think this has contributed to a lot of people's [including me] inability to accept a compliment. So many of us believe that unless we're phenomenal bakers, writers, musicians, artists, athletes, that what skill we have doesn't deserve acknowledgement. I have heard so many people, as well as my own voice, saying things like "oh, I don't really play piano" or "I don't sing" or "I'm not a writer" or "yeah, we won, but I totally screwed up that one [sports related move] so (proceeds to consider self a failure)" and on and on.
WHY DO WE DO THAT?
At a recent Relief Society activity one of the sisters pointed out that when we downplay our talents, when we pretend or assert that we aren't really talented in -that- thing because we don't think we're skilled enough to be called talented then we aren't. Not only does this attitude preclude gratitude for the gifts we have, it effectively hides them under the proverbial bushel basket.
There is no "minimum requirement" for having a talent. This isn't like taxes where, if your income falls five dollars below the cut-off you're told, sorry, you can't be in the upper bracket. Some people may have a greater portion of a gift [though it's always arguable that the degree to which we apply ourselves to developing our gifts may make the biggest difference here] but just become someone else may be better at something doesn't mean we have no talent for it.
 |
| amen |
Tim could tell you that I downplay myself all the time. I, like a lot of other people, am terrified of sounding like a braggart, which is understandable but I've been reminded lately that the opposite extreme is just as off-putting a probably more damaging for myself. There is nothing wrong with recognizing that you have the ability to engage in or contribute to something. So I'm starting with myself. Learning to really, sincerely accept a compliment is probably something that will take me a while but I can start by biting my tongue when my usual qualifiers start to slip out. Sticking to a simple 'thank you' when my gut reaction is to blurt out all of the things that "went wrong" with the dinner I prepared or the gift I made for someone. And remembering that what I'm really trying to do is reorient my mind towards gratitude. Gratitude towards my Heavenly Father for giving me so many ways to appreciate life and serve those I meet in it. It doesn't matter if my talents are small, if they never grow to great polished things to be admired, or even if they do. Because as much as we emphasize small acts of kindness we need to remember that even "small" talents can bless others in big ways.
So I'm trying to be more grateful and that can take a lot of forms: refraining from criticism of myself [and others], putting myself out there for things that I might not previously have considered myself "qualified" to do or offer, instead of subverting skills and talents - working to develop and improve them as much as I can. Because that's how I can show thanks. Because being more or less talented in any area than anyone else doesn't make me worth more or less.
Because, just for clarification, nothing can change my worth, or yours. Nothing. Our worth is something we carry with us always. No one can take it, no one can change it. It is intrinsically ours.
