Thursday, December 17, 2015

happy anniversary to me, happy anniversary to me

I'm so itchy that I'm about to flay myself with my dull office scissors. How's your Thursday? Okay, so this post isn't going to be all complaints, I've just been going nuts all day and had to share that with someone. Sorry if it's TMI. Now, down to business.

well, the celebration of one anyway
I've been married to this dude for four years today, can you believe it?


Neither can we! Haha, kidding. Facebook very obligingly brought up some of the pictures from that fateful day and would you look at us?

[photo courtesy of Ethan Watts Photography]
Adorable babies.

This picture still captures how I feel about adulthood.
A lot has changed in the last four years. In some respects I don't really recognize who I was then but I believe the differences are for the better.

I think that the only marriage you can ever be an expert in is your own. While I often still feel like a novice, I've learned a lot about myself in these four years [like the fact that I am not an overt romantic, hence the brevity of this post]. It's been both more challenging and more rewarding than anything I've ever done before and I can't wait to see what the rest of the course will bring us. As long as it includes more 30 second impromptu dance parties I think we'll be just fine.

Thursday, December 10, 2015

christmas time is here

It's December! Where did the rest of the year go?

I know I'm a little behind on the December train but that's mostly because December is somehow the busiest month of my life. Okay, also because I've started watching Leverage on Netflix [no spoilers!!! but if Parker and Hardison don't end up together at some point I will start throwing things]. I'm aiming to get our Christmas tree up this weekend which would be a major improvement on last year when we got it up like three days before Christmas. I figure when we have kids I'll get more into decorating in a timely fashion but man, with just the two of us I'm realizing how not-really-attached I am to the bells and whistles of the holidays.

We haven't had snow in a week or two and recently the weather has actually been warm enough to rain which has bummed out a lot of people I know but I've been loving it. The fewer deep-freeze days we have the happier I'll be. Plus, with as dry as I've already gotten I appreciate even the illusion of a higher level of moisture in the air.

I have finally succumbed to the relentless torrent of Christmas music, as it's officially post-Thanksgiving, and I've found some new renditions of classics that I absolutely love.

Lindsey Stirling's contribution to mormon.org's #asaviorisborn is beautiful and her thoughts on the experience [at the end of the video] were striking. The Christmas season is one of joy but for a lot of people it's one of loneliness and heartache.

Okay, so Pentatonix released this video last year but it's one I think I'll be coming back to for ages as it's the best rendition of Mary, Did You Know that I've ever heard. Chills, guys. Chills.

I've always enjoyed The Little Drummer Boy more for the message than the actual music but this Alex Boye version, with an Africanized spin, really brought the joy back to the song for me.

Do you guys have any favorite Christmas songs? Old classics or new? Share them in the comments so I can give them a listen!

I select the music for my ward's Relief Society meetings each Sunday and this last week I was asked if I would include more Christmas hymns for the month as we aren't slated to sing any in our sacrament meetings - wait, what?! I've noticed recently that some wards don't utilize holiday hymns which is just mind-boggling to me. I don't think we sang any this last Easter which, Tim can attest to, made me very unhappy. I know the message of Christ is found in all the hymns available to us but those associated with holidays are beautiful and special in their own way and we so rarely have applicable Sunday's to sing them. So, Christmas in Relief Society it is. This is going to be fun :)

I would be remiss if I didn't share this Christmas video as well. A Savior is Born was one of the first videos mormon.org released for the Christmas season this year and it is absolutely beautiful. No matter how many times you've heard the Christmas story I encourage you to take a minute to watch this. I hope we might all find more of the spirit of the season in our lives this year.

Thursday, November 19, 2015

grateful for...

Whenever someone asks me how things are in my life I always say "Oh, same-old same-old!" because it's true. [Let me make it abundantly clear that I love my life and I'm very happy with it. I'm not a terribly ambitious person or one that seeks out adventure and excitement so I'm fine with how things are.] I've heard myself saying that phrase a lot in the last few weeks as I've caught up with various friends and, happy as I am, hearing that phrase in contrast with all the different things going on in friends' lives could make anyone a little bit envious.

Yesterday I found my mind wandering down such a path when suddenly I was struck with something. Gratitude. For the cool things I'm doing in my own life but, more prominently, for all of these wonderful friends I have that are doing such fantastic things. I mean, it kind of hit me how amazing it is to have the friends I have doing the things they do. Even within my fairly small group of friends I know people who are involved in a surprisingly wide variety of fields. The range of their interests has broadened and blessed my own life. I do not personally have an interest in or aptitude for the scientific disciplines but I have several friends and a sister who have found their passion there. I have several friends who are deeply involved in widely different areas of the liberal arts and their creativity and discipline inspires and amazes me.

I generally don't consider myself to be a terribly interesting person [seriously, why do any of you read these posts? you can't be that bored] so it's occurred to me what an incredible blessing it is to have so many talented and beautiful women in my life that I can consult with and learn from. So often I make lists of things and situations that I am thankful for and it's great to recognize those blessings but this season I am profoundly and overwhelmingly grateful for the people that make my life as rich as it is.

So thank you. Thank you mom, and Carrigan, Emily, Michelle, and Becca, Chelsea and Katelyn, all my wonderful sisters-in-law, Irene, Karen, Natalie, and everyone else that I can't possibly list. Just because you're not named doesn't mean I'm not thinking of you and you are all still contractually obligated to answer the phone if I ever have daughters that are interested in what you do :P

Thursday, November 12, 2015

sunlight and scarves

I think I need a sunlamp.Once I have a humidifier, that definitely takes top priority here. But after that. Sunlamp.

I've said it before and I'm sure I'll say it many times again in the future: I'm just not a winter person. Snow is beautiful and so are icicles, etc, but I barely manage the desert air during the rest of the year and winter kicks it up to an inhuman notch. Basically, I am never not itchy during winter. But back to the sunlamp idea. I always get sucked into the appeal of the end of daylight saving. I mean, kind of having an extra hour of sleep for a day or two? Sign me up! Ultimately, though, I feel robbed because after a week or so it's still dark in the morning anyway and it's dark way earlier in the evening. This means that, if there's sunlight on a given day I'm exposed to about 15 minutes of it, at most, on my way to work. Now, I generally don't spend much time in the sun regardless of season but I really notice how much that little difference in exposure makes when I get next to none in winter. Ever heard of seasonal depression? It's a real thing.

There's been an ongoing conversation this week about scarves, namely how, at least here in Utah, scarves are worn more for fashion than function, especially for men. This is something that completely boggles my brain, having grown up in New York where scarves are a matter of life and death in winter. I suppose winters here may not be considered as severe [Tim just barely started wearing a jacket to work yesterday. I, however, graduated to my sweatshirt-and-pea-coat combo last week.] but there are definitely those who would benefit from using scarves. The problem some men run into, though, is that if you're a guy here wearing a scarf there's a 95% probability that:
          A: You're a hipster.
          B: The scarf is a flimsy piece of fabric that doesn't do anything to keep you warm.
          C: Both. Probably both.
Now, there is a significant hipster population here, especially around Orem/Provo with all the college kids but that doesn't mean that every guy is on the hipster train and some, like my husband, would not be caught dead being mistaken for one. What to do? I suppose there are a lot of guys that just "man-up" and power through the cold weather and brutal wind-chill but I'm a big believer in being comfortable when you can and scarves are the fastest way to improve your body-heat retention. So I'm on the look-out for "manly" scarves. Tim probably won't need one because he's a personal space-heater but I feel ethically obligated to develop a knowledge-base for any other men out there who want to better maintain their body temperature without looking like someone dressed them for an Urban Outfitters catalog.

One of my favorite things about winter here, though, is the way the sunsets get reflected off of the mountains, especially when they're properly covered in snow. For a landscape that can become so dull and desolate this time of year those sunsets are a dazzling blast of color that you really don't see anywhere else. Maybe I'll get some decent pictures of it this year.

Thursday, October 29, 2015

thursday thoughts

Holidays have a way of totally destroying schedules, don't they?

This week has been a bit up in the air and I'm not expecting it to go back to normal until next week and with Thanksgiving coming up fast I don't think the calm regularity of life will really return until after the new year. I like my schedule. I'm a routine home-body so I'm making a concentrated effort to roll with the changing plans this holiday season so I can enjoy them rather than resent them.

I did pretty well with my goals over the last three weeks but this week has been a bit of a disaster which tells me that I'm good with time management when I have all my time to myself but I suck at it once other things start encroaching on my typically wide-open evenings. Which I shouldn't use as an excuse but often do. My writing and ASL goals only require half an hour a day each and in reality I can manage that even when my day is busy but it's so easy to just crash and blow an hour playing sudoku or watching Netflix. Pretty sure I got an unofficial degree in procrastinating while in school and I'm currently getting more use out of that than my actual degree.

We've dipped into the 50s this week. I dragged my leggings out of storage yesterday [aka the top shelf of our closet] and I suspect I'll be switching over to my pea coat pretty soon here. Tim turned the heater on last night which means it must be officially cold and while I appreciate not freezing to death at night the dry spot in my throat this morning reminded me how much we need a humidifier. I always manage to forget how much my throat and sinuses hate winter. Bleh.

I've only got a handful of pages left in my current writing notebook and when I bought two last weekend for some other story ideas that ought to be written down by now I considered getting another one for Marked but it's kind of a characteristic of this book that it's thus far been written on a succession of pre-used notebooks [I think the count is up to five] and moving to a brand new one would just feel weird. How's that for a run-on sentence? Have I mentioned that I'm perpetually tired? At any rate, it's really satisfying to see those notebooks stacked together and see how far I've come in this project. I'm started to get my wind back and I'm excited to figure out where this thing will go. I know there's always the realistic probability that this story never gets read by anyone but me. Publishing is a jungle and I'm not sure I'll ever be able to navigate it successfully but I've realized that I don't want that dream in order to become famous or wealthy or whatever. I want my stories out there so people can see my characters and maybe relate to and find enjoyment in their journeys. If a book I wrote were to only connect with one person in the way so many have impacted me it would completely make my life.

Now enjoy this little bird with his paper towel. You probably haven't seen any adorable toddlers in Halloween costumes yet so this might still be the cutest thing you've seen all week.


Friday, October 16, 2015

books, books, and more books

Welcome to my second huge book review dump!This edition comes with cover art for your viewing pleasure. The next time I do this I'm going to have to return to reviewing each book a I read it because it's been a bit for some of these and binge-reviewing is not great for my brain or, I suspect, the reviews, haha.

The following books are listed in the order they appeared on my 'books to get from the library' list, not the order I read them. I will try to avoid spoilers but I make not sure-fire promises.


“Our Dragon doesn’t eat the girls he takes, no matter what stories they tell outside our valley. We hear them sometimes, from travelers passing through. They talk as though we were doing human sacrifice, and he were a real dragon. Of course that’s not true: he may be a wizard and immortal, but he’s still a man, and our fathers would band together and kill him if he wanted to eat one of us every ten years. He protects us against the Wood, and we’re grateful, but not that grateful.”
This is the first paragraph of a wonderful novel with a strong Brothers Grimm vibe. Agnieszka lives on the edge of a malevolent Wood that has threatened to encroach on the valley and kingdom beyond for generations. The only force keeping it at bay is a man known as the Dragon who, every ten years, takes a girl from the valley back to his secluded tower. No one knows what happens to the girls while they're away, or even what it is the Dragon really does, but once released from their service at the end of ten years none of the girls are the same. When Agnieszka is chosen by the Dragon she is shocked and completely unprepared for the world of magic and pain that she is thrust into.
I really really really enjoyed this book. Fairytales have been a common theme in YA literature for a while now and it can start to feel like they're all the same but Novik tells a fresh new story that has that familiar feel but with new wonderfully crafted characters and a system of magic that is at once charming and dangerous. The writing was enchanting and nearly impossible to put down with strong tones of friendship, love, and the pain of loss. There is a scene that, while not graphic, is rather descriptive, for those that are sensitive to sexual content. Personally, that's the one thing I could have done without - I generally feel that emotionally deepening moments can be crafted in other ways - but, while the moment is significant for the main character, it does not dominate the story as a whole.

Tim has been trying to get me to read this series for ages and I'm actually about halfway through the third book right now if that's an indication of anything.
Mistborn is a large-scale fantasy story somehow fit into three books. Sanderson shows his incredible understanding of people, culture, politics, and the way leadership and power work all while expertly setting the stage with a magic system unlike anything you've ever seen before. The Final Empire has reigned with the Lord Ruler, who is worshiped as deity, at its head for a thousand years of ashfall and oppression. Vin has experienced the more brutal version of skaa childhood, only surviving by learning to walk the razor's edge of being useful but not noticeable in the criminal underground, trusting no one. It is only after meeting Kelsier, a Mistborn half-skaa with insane plans to overthrow the Lord Ruler, and somehow being drafted into those plans that she learns of her own status as Mistborn. But overthrowing a thousand year empire takes a team and Vin has to learn to ignore her deepest rooted instincts and figure out how to trust if they have any hope of succeeding and bringing freedom to a world that's forgotten what hope is.
I had a little exposure to Sanderson's fantasy writing with The Wheel of Time and Mistborn carries a similar tone. Sanderson is a master world-builder and I am continually amazed at the depth of development in this series. History, religions, and cultures are all clearly imagined and distinct, not to mention Allomancy. Creating a magic system that doesn't feel like a copy of something everyone has heard before is a pretty big challenge and Sanderson blows it out of the water. Allomancers use ingested metals, burning them to bring about a variety of cause-and-effect results but you either have access to none, one, or all of them. Just a very cool concept, and wonderfully executed. I take it as a matter of course by now that characters will be  real and flawed and undergo realistic growth which is still unfolding naturally two books later.  Just, go read it.


In a premise that is somewhat reminiscent of Disney's Sleeping Beauty, Kelsea has been raised in the far recesses of her deceased mother's kingdom since infancy. At nineteen she must make the treacherous journey to her nation's capital city in order to ascend the throne that is rightfully hers. But there are numerous parties that have an interest in this would-be monarch including her glutenous uncle who has been acting as regent since her mother's death, a suitably dashing and mysterious Robin-Hood-esque outlaw, and her nation's biggest threat: the Red Queen, a powerful sorceress that rules the land across the mountains. Kelsea will have a lot of growing up to do if she is to even reach the capitol alive and she'll have to take a lot of risks to secure her throne and free her people.
I didn't have exceedingly high expectations for this book and while it wasn't mind-blowing I was pleasantly surprised at the depth of plot and characters. This is a novel that has that easy balance of action, sweet romance, and suspense. Kelsea started out a little immature for my impression of a nineteen year old but that does serve to emphasize the tremendous growth she undergoes in the span of a month or two. With assassinations, political maneuvering, and the mystery surrounding the sapphires that are Kelsea's birthright and the Red Queen's goal the story builds to an engaging climax that left me satisfied but also interested in reading the next installment of this story.


This was my first Goodkind novel and it's probably going to be my last. I just. I can't. It was so bad. I feel like someone should have warned me. This was physically painful for me to read and it's 600 pages long. I honestly can't even review this properly so I'm just going to rant for a bit.
The First Confessor is the first in a prequel series to Goodkind's NY Times Best Selling Series: The Sword of Truth. Which really just tells you that just because an author has been on the NY Times Best Sellers list doesn't mean that the book is actually any good. That may be unfair, I haven't read The Sword of Truth, but if it's anything like Confessor I definitely don't care to. Probably my most commonly vocalized complaint while forcing myself through this book was "Did an editor even see this? Did anyone bother to read this over first or was it just sent straight to print?" It just. It's bad, guys. Painful, stilted dialogue, characters coming to conclusions that don't connect, inconsistent characterization for that matter, and a main character that was just incredibly frustrating to read in the wracked-with-self-doubt-and-depression-but-still-super-confident-about-things-I-constantly-admit-to-having-no-knowledge-of-etc kind of way. The story itself had so much promise but it easily could have been told in 200 pages. I feel so bad for whoever actually bought this monstrous paperweight. Generally I try to give a book a fair chance but this was just too much for me to handle. 

You guys have probably all seen the trailer for the movie by now [and no, I haven't seen the movie yet but it is on my list] so you probably know the gist. Astronaut Mark Watney was a member of one of the first crews to travel to and stay on Mars and then he becomes the first astronaut to be stranded on the red planet. A massive dust storm separates him from his crew as they are evacuating the planet, leaving him miraculously alive but without any way to communicate this to his fellow astronauts, let alone NASA. Mark's life becomes a second-by-second battle to live long enough to communicate with Earth and then to be rescued. The suspense kicks in right from the get-go and never lets you shift from the edge of your seat. This is the kind of thriller I can get into.
THIS WAS SO GOOD. I'm not really a science person so I wasn't sure how I'd feel about the heavy inclusion of chemistry, biology, engineering, etc that lend this work it's fairly unique credibility but I really really enjoyed it. Weir includes scientific jargon and explanations in a way that feels natural for Mark's setting and first person narrative but doesn't overwhelm the reader to the point that us ignorant people can't follow the story. The plot jumps from Mark's first person logs and third person scenes at NASA and perfectly embodies some writing advice I once received: stick your character up a tree, then throw rocks at them. Mark's situation presents enough natural stress and suspense but Weir keeps cranking it up with wrench after wrench with precision timing and expert hand. It was almost impossible for me to pay attention to anything else while I read this. You root for Mark and argue right along with everyone at NASA about the best way to handle each new development and stumbling block right down to the last nail-biting moment. 
My only complaint really is the amount of language which was a bit of a barrage for me. 

This book came recommended from a friend and served as a bit of an extension of my WWII-era historical fiction kick from last time.
Marie-Laure has lived her whole life in Paris with her father who works as the locksmith of the Museum of Natural History. When she goes blind her father builds a miniature of their neighborhood so she can learn to get around again and other staff at the museum nurture her curiosity of science. At twelve, the Nazis occupy Paris and Marie-Laure and her father must flee to the seaside home of the agoraphobic great-uncle she's never met. But her father is carrying what might be the most valuable and dangerous jewel ever cataloged in the museum and rumored curse it carries follows them to Saint-Malo along with those who are searching for it.
Werner, orphaned along with his younger sister in a mining town in Germany, has always been enthralled by all things mechanical and first draws attention to himself as the town's radio mechanic. His talent with this new technology thrusts him into a elite but brutal school for Hitler Youth where he receives his first taste of acclaim but also moral and ethical uncertainty. The war takes him across eastern Europe and finally France, tracking down and eliminating enemy resistance which exacts a higher and higher toll on Werner's personal well-being. His story collides with Marie-Laure in Saint-Malo just as the war is ending.
I went into this expecting Werner and Marie-Laure's stories to overlap a lot more than they did but once I adjusted to the dual story line I really enjoyed it, as much as one can enjoy a story that tackles many of the dark aspects of this world war. Doerr did a really impressive job with Marie-Laure's perspective. Lacking site, her PoV was not lacking in description or detail. With a fantastic supporting cast, All the Light is a story that captures the lingering and bone-deep sadness that forever tinted the lives of those who lived through such terrible ordeals and lost so much along the way. The resolution does not feel as all-encompassing and satisfying as you might wish but I think that just highlights the real damage done by war, poignantly captured in a novel that somehow mixes whimsy and superstition with hard science and history.

This is the first in a three-part series of Worth's memoirs of her time as a midwife in Poplar, England. I discovered the British mini-series before learning of the printed work. I've devoured the show and the books were just the same. Many of the stories were familiar from the mini-series but there were several others that the tv show didn't have time to include and I loved learning more about Worth's experiences. One of the reasons I love this memoir [mini-series included] is the honesty with which Worth approaches the telling. Being a midwife in the 1950s slums was not an easy task and she confronts the sadness, disparity, betrayal, heartache, injustice, and horrors lived by so many people cast in great contrast along side the beauty and pure joy of bringing new life into the world. I can tell it's one of the few historical depictions that I will come back to again and again and I'm sure that I will find myself laughing and crying just as much in fifty years as it elicits from me now. 
In both the printed work and the tv adaptation there is very little sexual or graphic content though basic anatomy is discussed and numerous births are depicted.

The Royal We [Heather Cocks, Jessica Morgan]
Okay, this book is very clearly meant to mirror Prince William and Kate Middleton's relationship, like, super obviously. The story is told from American Rebecca's [Bex] perspective and begins with the start of her study abroad trip to England where she happens to room on the same floor as Nick, heir to the crown. Their relationship passes from friendship to dating to broken up to tortuously apart to reconciled and at the eve of their wedding. 
While there isn't necessarily anything wrong with the premise I had a hard time reading this. I have an inherent skepticism of books that are written by two people and the fact that this paralleled pretty closely to at least the bare-bones of the real royal relationship just made it difficult to be really pulled into the story and feel any sense of heightened stakes because you know how it turns out. I mean, Nick has a younger brother with better hair and a reputation as a bit of a playboy, an emotionally distant father, and a mother who isn't actively in the picture though it's because her mind has broken, not because she died in a car crash. There were several points throughout the novel where I just felt a little weird reading a fictionalized representation of a real life couple and wondered if these ladies aren't potentially vulnerable to some kind of lawsuit. Those qualms aside, I really struggled with Bex's character. I never felt like I could nail her down as her behavior and personality kept jumping around and contradicting itself. I appreciated the look into the many pressures and touchy situations that come with a super public life like that but the worthwhile aspect of the story wasn't really large enough for me to say the book was worth my time, esp considering the insane amount of sleeping around everyone does. Necessary? No. No it's not.

This novel has been compared to Gone Girl in terms of unreliable narrators. I haven't read Gone Girl due to content concerns and I was a little wary going into The Girl on the Train when I read that review but I was relieved to find that, while a wonderfully written suspense thriller with a small strings of sexual content, Train is not a graphic story.
Rachel, still caught in a self-destructive cycle from her traumatic divorce, has kind of adopted "Jess and Jason," a couple she has observed almost every day on her commute. They live a few doors down from her old house where her ex now lives with his new wife and infant daughter and their seemingly happy life is a perfect contrast to the pain and failure in her own. Seeing Jess and Jason provides the one bright spot in her day until she sees something that shatters her romanticized narrative. When Jess disappears, Rachel offers what she saw to the police and becomes invested and involved in discovering what happened to this woman she never met. Finding the truth will strain all her relationships, force her to confront her own alcoholism, and even dig through her own recent past to discover things that her own mind had hidden from her.
Hawkins does such a phenomenal job of trailing you along as the reader. Clues come out of order and like teasing breadcrumbs that you desperately try to sort through ahead of Rachel herself. Abounding with red herrings, flawed and misunderstood/misrepresented characters, Train reminds you that we only ever see a fraction of other people's lives and even then what we're seeing is so often different from what is really happening.

Firefight [Brandon Sanderson]
As the sequel to Steelheart, Sanderson begins to seriously ramp up the mystery and tension that will culminate in the final book: Calamity. He keeps up his reputation for startling surprises and revelations that cast the narrative in a new and evermore intriguing light.
In the wake of Steelheart's death, David finds himself feeling adrift. His life's purpose has been fulfilled but he's unsatisfied and chock full of questions that have no answers in the newly liberated Newcago. So when Prof decides to go to Babylon Restored [Babylar], what used to be NYC, David is more than happy to be included in the team. Facing another High Epic seems like it should be business as usual but Regalia runs a very different empire from Steelheart's and David has to navigate layers of mystery along with the flooded city and a world that looks and feels entirely different from his life in the steel city. Tracking down and taking out Regalia will cross his path once again with Firefight, the girl he hasn't seen since Steelheart's defeat and who is wrapped in her own mystery but may have some of the answers David needs to put the whole puzzle together. Epic action combines again with quirky humor to make a satisfying second showing in the Reckoners trilogy that may leave you angry that Calamity doesn't come out until February 2016.
I am definitely a fan of this series and Firefight didn't disappoint. The character development and depth was a real pleasure to read and Sanderson's world-building is, as always, well-crafted and refreshingly imagined. New secondary characters do suffer a little in this book in favor of developing our main cast and I missed Cody and Abraham who were left to oversee things in Newcago. Regalia's secret kept me guessing right up until the end right along with David and the fact that things implode before he can make sense of it all gives the perfect amount of chaos, shock, and heartache to charge readers into the last installment of this story.

Thursday, October 8, 2015

books and goals, is one a bribe to accomplish the other? the world may never know

Yesterday around 3pm I got 27 views for some reason. I'm not sure what it was about that afternoon but to whoever was reading up, hello! Hopefully you don't feel like you wasted your time, haha.

I was going to take today to round up all the book reviews I promised over a month ago but I forgot to bring my list with me to work and I'm going to be watching a toddler this evening so I'll postpone that post until next week.

Speaking of books though, a friend recently told me about the Children's Book and Media Review which is an organization run through BYU's library. The CBMR is working to create a library of reviews of children's literature and media that parents, teachers, librarians, etc can then reference in selecting appropriate materials for their charges and they're looking for reviewers. Guys, I'm seriously so stoked about this. So how it works is you sign up to be a reviewer then they email you a list of items that they need reviewed [mine was 5 long but I'm not sure if that's standard] from which they ask you to choose at least 2. You have to submit at least 4 reviews total in a year [the other two can come from the list they provide or you can choose your own age-appropriate materials to review]. And they're super official about this. When they email you the list to choose from they also provide a pdf that details the structure and guidelines to use in writing your reviews. This is a legit project. They mail you whichever materials you selected and the books at least come with their own bookmark that has the date they need that particular review to be submitted by. And if this whole thing hasn't gotten you excited yet, when you submit the 4 required reviews they will send you two books of your choice for free. TO KEEP. I know! I just got my two books in the mail this week and I'm really excited to read them. I'll let you guys know when I've submitted my reviews so you can go over to their site and check them out. Now go sign up!!

With LDS General Conference this last weekend I decided to make some goals for myself since I've been feeling pretty bleh lately. I've never been good at setting or really keeping goals in general as my motivation seems to have a fairly short shelf-life for things that feel like assignments but I've managed to stick with my new vitamin routine for a while now so I thought I could try to spread some of that self-discipline around.

I didn't want to do anything too big but I also wanted to encourage myself to grow and learn a little so for starters I'm dabbling in ASL. I found this site called ASL University that's been set up by a professor who teaches ASL and has made recordings of his lessons public for whoever wants to use them. The ones I've watched so far have been around half an hour in length and they're actually really fun to watch as Dr. Bill is pretty entertaining. I can't really say what drew my attention to ASL but the idea of learning has been on my back-burner for a while now and learning on my own seems a bit more attainable than learning a spoken language outside of a classroom setting. There have actually been two guys on my bus home this week that I've seen conversing in ASL and I've been really tempted to say hello but I can only recognize like three phrases right now, haha. I'm also consumed by a desire to be able to sign Blank Space because one of the phrases I've learned is "nice to meet you" and every time I see it I start singing that song in my head.

As a bit of a kick in my own behind I've also set a concrete goal for how much writing I do in a week. I'm going back to my method of setting a timer, at least for present, to keep myself to it so fingers crossed that goes well. I had planned, last year, to have the entire first draft of this monster done but the end of summer 2015 and that obviously fell apart on me so here's to hoping for better-late-than-never headway!

Since my plans to take a watercolor class this semester didn't pan out I'm also planning on doing some independent learning on that front. We live in the age of the internet, there's plenty a person can learn outside of a classroom, right? I'm wishing I had a picture of a small piece I did over the weekend to show you because I'm actually rather happy with it, though I'm pretty sure I'm mostly treating the paints like acrylic right now. Alas, you'll have to be satisfied with the "dust bunnies" I was playing with:

My brother pointed out that  they look like the dust sprites from the Miyazaki films which was not necessarily my intent but I'll take it as a compliment. Those things are adorable. I feel like I ought to do something with this card for Halloween. Ideas?

So suck it, New Year's Resolutions. By the time you come around I'll already have three months of work under my belt ready to carry me into a new year [hopefully!].

Thursday, October 1, 2015

comic con recap

Last Friday Tim and I had the opportunity to go to Salt Lake Comic Con with a friend and it was a total blast!

waiting to get in

 SLCC has only been around for three years now but every year so far they've broken their attendance record which makes me super happy and hopeful that they'll be around for a good long while. They also had a meet up the evening we were there to break the Guinness Book of World Records' record for largest group of people dressed as a comic book character and they did! Utah does no have a shortage of nerds, let me tell you. This is the first time I've ever actually attended a con so maybe others have a system like this but for SLCC you get a wrist band that registers with scanners when you walk through them, arm raised. Ben went last year and said that, being at the back of the line, it was only about a fifteen minute wait to get in. They seemed to be having technical difficulties on Friday morning so staff were scanning each wristband individually long before the doors opened. Once they did it was just a massive surge of bodies and voila, everyone was inside. Let me tell you, riding a wave of excitable humanity is a good way to start the day.

I decided to revisit my Peter Pan Disney-bound from last Halloween as a simple way to dress up but still be comfortable.

creepy side-eye

A friend helped me figure out how to create some fake bangs as my hair is a good six inches longer than the last time I did this. As a curly girl I've always kind of envied people who have bangs but having spent a day with hair constantly getting in my eyes and itching my forehead I'm now wondering how any of you can stand it! Sneakers would definitely have been a wiser option that the flats I wore but my feet are fairly used to extended periods of abuse so it wasn't too bad. Honestly, eight hours of walking around made me most grateful to sit for panels for my joints' behalf. The trekking was harder on Tim but he's a trooper and taking a lazy Saturday was a enough to get him back to normal.

The convention center where the con is held is huge. I could only get a decent panorama shot of the half of the main hall that held a lot of vendor booths, the cafeteria, and the photo-op area all the way on the right. The hall extends about the same distance on the left making a large L. And yes, that is a food truck. The balcony I took this picture from hosted table-top games of all kinds and there was an official D&D room in the building. 

I like playing I-Spy with this picture. Can you spot the Man in the Yellow Hat and Mr. Freeze?
I spent the majority of the day rubber-necking at different cosplayers and probably annoying Tim with how frequently I was poking his arm to show him another one. We saw these guys almost immediately after entering the con and every time I saw them after just left me grinning ear to ear.

at what point do you realize that you and your bros are the
perfect body types to pull off Chien-Po, Ling, and Yao?
These ladies were also getting stopped left and right, for good reason. Hocus Pocus is a classic and it is Halloween season. Whenever they came across a kid you'd hear Winifred cry "A child! A child!"

and check out that steampunk guy in the background!
There was a lot of Star Wars stuff around in anticipation of the new movie [there was a guy in line dressed as an AT-ST with stilts] but while they had more official looking props my favorite thing was this balloon sculpture of an AT-AT. I'm glad that guy's sitting their for scale. This thing was about 10 feet tall and still blowing my mind. What do you do if one of the balloons breaks?


And in case you wanted your con-going experience to feel a little more neighborly...


Totoro! I'm not sure how much this guy [girl?] got around because people kept coming up to hug him/her. I really wish I'd gotten a picture with the little girl who came up to him just after this. She was so little that they knelt down so you couldn't see their legs which was total perfection.

Whilst browsing artist alley [guys, can we maybe expand the aisle sizes next year?] I found this absolutely adorable Maid Marianne who very obligingly pulled her tail to the side when I asked for a picture.


I had to explain to Tim why I got so excited about this next one because he hasn't seen Gravity Falls - and if you haven't either you need to check it out right now.

Dipper and Mabel! And Waddles!
I love how well they emulated the age of the characters given that these two obviously aren't children.

And last but not least, to end on a classic note:


The Rocketeer! I love this movie so much, how can it have been so long since I last watched it? This guy's cosplay was totally on point as was his pose. I should have gotten a shot of his jet pack but you'll just have to believe me that it was legit.

All in all, I had a really excellent time and I'd love to go again, maybe check out a few of the numerous writing panels next time!

In other news, my younger brother got home from his mission today!!! I wish I could have been at the airport to greet him but he'll be flying out our way in a few short weeks so for now I'm just glad he made it back from Brazil safely. Take it easy on the greasy foods for a while, kid! Welcome home :)

picture stolen from my sister's facebook

Thursday, September 24, 2015

fine fine fine

I got a moderate kick in the pants from a friend yesterday for neglecting to blog for so long. I honestly had every intention of blogging the last two weeks - I had the window open and everything.  But then work got busy and I wasn't sure I had much to say anyway and I'm really great at rationalizing my way out of things, can you tell? At any rate, I promised I would change my undisciplined behavior so here I am. Who else is here? Raise your hand.

I've been thinking a lot lately about how people talk [or don't] about their talents. Somehow, as a society, we've put ourselves in the situation where we discourage talking about a skill or talent unless you are the unquestionable master of it which is ridiculous because that leaves only a handful of people worldwide who are given social permission to discuss their abilities without scorn. I think this has contributed to a lot of people's [including me] inability to accept a compliment. So many of us believe that unless we're phenomenal bakers, writers, musicians, artists, athletes, that what skill we have doesn't deserve acknowledgement. I have heard so many people, as well as my own voice, saying things like "oh, I don't really play piano" or "I don't sing" or "I'm not a writer" or "yeah, we won, but I totally screwed up that one [sports related move] so (proceeds to consider self a failure)" and on and on.

WHY DO WE DO THAT?

At a recent Relief Society activity one of the sisters pointed out that when we downplay our talents, when we pretend or assert that we aren't really talented in -that- thing because we don't think we're skilled enough to be called talented then we aren't. Not only does this attitude preclude gratitude for the gifts we have, it effectively hides them under the proverbial bushel basket.

There is no "minimum requirement" for having a talent. This isn't like taxes where, if your income falls five dollars below the cut-off you're told, sorry, you can't be in the upper bracket. Some people may have a greater portion of a gift [though it's always arguable that the degree to which we apply ourselves to developing our gifts may make the biggest difference here] but just become someone else may be better at something doesn't mean we have no talent for it.

amen
Comparison will kill you, folks, and that's the truth. Knowing that doesn't make it easier to stop comparing, but acknowledging the problem is the first step to changing behavior and mental habits.

Tim could tell you that I downplay myself all the time. I, like a lot of other people, am terrified of sounding like a braggart, which is understandable but I've been reminded lately that the opposite extreme is just as off-putting a probably more damaging for myself. There is nothing wrong with recognizing that you have the ability to engage in or contribute to something. So I'm starting with myself. Learning to really, sincerely accept a compliment is probably something that will take me a while but I can start by biting my tongue when my usual qualifiers start to slip out. Sticking to a simple 'thank you' when my gut reaction is to blurt out all of the things that "went wrong" with the dinner I prepared or the gift I made for someone. And remembering that what I'm really trying to do is reorient my mind towards gratitude. Gratitude towards my Heavenly Father for giving me so many ways to appreciate life and serve those I meet in it. It doesn't matter if my talents are small, if they never grow to great polished things to be admired, or even if they do. Because as much as we emphasize small acts of kindness we need to remember that even "small" talents can bless others in big ways.

So I'm trying to be more grateful and that can take a lot of forms: refraining from criticism of myself [and others], putting myself out there for things that I might not previously have considered myself "qualified" to do or offer, instead of subverting skills and talents - working to develop and improve them as much as I can. Because that's how I can show thanks. Because being more or less talented in any area than anyone else doesn't make me worth more or less.

Because, just for clarification, nothing can change my worth, or yours. Nothing. Our worth is something we carry with us always. No one can take it, no one can change it. It is intrinsically ours.

Thursday, August 13, 2015

end of an era

My coworker is moving to Chicago this weekend for her husband's masters program. People generally rotate through this position pretty quickly for a variety of reasons, the fact that it's a secretarial job generally being one of the foremost.  Since I was hired almost two years ago I've seen three people come and go from the morning shift and now I get to train a fourth - a prospect I'm not really looking forward to as I've really enjoyed working with Katelyn for the past year. This position requires a certain level of humor and snarky commentary in order to maintain sanity over long periods of time and I'm going to miss her significant contributions to the suitability of a job where I don't have much to do a majority of the time.

I am excited for her though! She's never really lived outside of Utah so Chicago will be an awesome, if somewhat stressful adventure. I'm honestly a little jealous, haha.

Well, summer marches on. I'm really pleased to find we're so far through already and fall is just around the corner! Tim will be moving closer to finishing the annoying generals he needs for his degree and I might take another art class so there's a lot to look forward to along with sweater weather. Thinking about sweaters and Chicago is making me want to watch While You Were Sleeping again. Seriously, Sandra Bullock in that massive sweater at the beginning is everything I've ever wanted to be as an adult. If only the ice capades were still running...

Thursday, August 6, 2015

life of a secretary

I'm sitting alone - more alone than usual - guarding an empty office. I was supposed to be in the meeting where everyone else is but at the last minute the powers than be decided that I needed to stay at the front desk so people could access the accountants [anyone who comes to see them always enters through the back door] and students could see our Accounts Receivable office [except the AR staff is in said meeting...]. So I'm feeling a tad left out.

They're playing jeopardy. I can hear them.

Last night Tim and I picked up my sister-in-law from the local municipal airport. I was surprised to hear she was flying into this particular airport as opposed to the better known international airport about an hour north of us but I've never been to the municipal airport before so I figured it would be an adventure. And it was, albeit a rather small one. To help you understand by confusion, there are a very limited number of airlines that will fly to this particular airport and this is probably why:


This place is tiny. This picture encompasses the entire facility aside from a few hangers off to the right. The building on the far left is UVU's flight school and the one on the right is where my sister-in-law came through and the baggage claim was just a big cart port outside that they drove the little cart under. I'm honestly not sure what the middle building is for. This is the first time I've personally seen a plane larger than a private jet where the passengers disembark via a ramp to the ground. Nifty, in a retro way.

It was nice to hang out with my sister-in-law and nephew for a little bit. They've been traveling a lot in the last month so I bet both will be glad to get home again next week. Unfortunately she has to pay for his ticket when they head home because he turns two on Sunday!

In other family news, my younger brother will be flying home from his mission in Brazil on September 30th! Of course, he won't make it to NY until October 1st [time zones and late flights and all] but it's so exciting to think that he'll be home in less than two months. I've missed the little giant and I'll be very happy to have family nearer by when he comes back our way for school again. We weren't able to go out to NY this year so it'll be nice to bring family out here since next year is probably the earliest I'll see anyone else.

Well, the meeting has adjourned so now I have a plate of pickles and chocolate eclairs with a cup of Dr. Pepper and in just over an hour I'm going home to waste the rest of the afternoon watching murder mystery shows on Netflix. Not all is lost.

Thursday, July 23, 2015

quiet lives

Sorry for the lack of updates recently. I often feel like people don't believe me when I tell them that my life is pretty quiet but really it is and not much has been going on lately. Not that I mind :)  I've always been a homebody - content to just chill. This does make for some pretty lazy habits that I need to work on but it also makes me pretty easy to please - if not terribly interesting to talk to.

I've just placed about ten books on hold between two different libraries so in a month or so I should have another massive review post ready for you!

July 24th is a state-wide holiday in Utah so I have tomorrow off which is excellent. I love me my three-day weekends. We get to see some friends and their little girl for dinner tonight and we'll probably spend some time with family for more fireworks [because July is basically a fireworks month here]. I'm also doing a 5K with one of my sisters-in-law tomorrow morning which means I have to get up absurdly early but at least we're walking rather than running. We're not crazy. Mostly I'm looking forward to more weekend time which will hopefully have a good dose of writing stuck in there. I wrote this morning for the first time [working on story rather than character, plot, and setting development] in months. Starting up again always feels so much harder than it should so I'm hoping to keep that little taste of momentum going. Who knows, Maybe I can finish this thing by the end of the summer? It doesn't hurt to dream ;P

Thursday, July 2, 2015

11 book reviews, or, what i've been doing with my life lately

"When you give a girl a library card..."

Beware readers, here be spoilers!

The Moon and More [Dessen]
I've read several other Dessen novels and I generally enjoy her sweet summer romances. I was particularly interested in this book because it's set in the same sea-side town as Keeping the Moon which is my favorite of hers. There was a disappointing lack of overlap between the two stories which I suppose is understandable but it means the main reasons I love Keeping the Moon weren't present and without those factors I struggled to care as much for these characters. The Moon and More is a little unique for Dessen in that the main character doesn't end the book in a relationship which was somewhat refreshing [though mostly because I didn't really like either relationship she ended up in during the story]. All in all, The Moon and More slips neatly in among Dessen's other books, if somewhat underwhelmingly.

The House at Tyneford [Solomons]
While reading this novel I discovered that I have a predisposition to anticipate infidelity and adultery in historical fiction. I'm not sure why that is, but it is, and it follows for the other historical fiction books in this list, which is a little annoying.
That being said, there isn't any infidelity or adultery in Tyneford which was a relief because there definitely could have been some funky stuff. Elise comes to Tyneford from Austria to work as a house maid as a means of escaping the atrocities of WWII [being a Jew, though in genetics only]. Predictably [sorry, but it is], she falls for Kit, the heir of the estate but the presence of the war means that not all young love ends happily. Amazon's description is pretty spot on in relating this book to Downton Abbey and you can expect similar glimpses into the lives and cares of upstairs and downstairs folk as questions of loyalty and family are explored.
Perhaps it's because I struggle to grasp how close England and France are to each other or maybe it's a fault of the book but I couldn't really picture the fly-overs that residents of the valley become accustomed to as the war progresses. Elise treats these events with such casual acceptance that it removes most of the threat I'd expect to feel at seeing enemy aircraft flying so low over your home. I struggled also to really connect with Elise in general. She felt flat and child-like for a girl of 19 and while there is character development over the course of the novel it feels muted and glossed over which leaves the meaningful scenes feeling distant and lacking meaning you think should be there. Overall, a pleasant read but not incredibly memorable.

Sarah's Key [de Rosnay]
This book jumps back and forth between Sarah [a ten year-old Jewish girl in 1942] and Julia [a thiry-something journalist in 2002] and explores events and consequences of the Vel d'Hiv' round-up in France during WWII. It's called Sarah's Key because when Sarah and her parents are collected by the French police that fateful night she locks her younger brother in a hidden cupboard and promises to come back for him when the police release them. But they aren't released. You can probably guess what that cupboard opened to. Those that witnessed that moment became a crucial key to the puzzle when Julia discovers the mystery and follows the trail of what happened to little Sarah. It's a pretty gruesome premise, though the Vel d'Hiv' - a plan formulated and carried out by the French police without instruction from the Nazi party - was a gruesome point in France's history, but the moment her brother is discovered is not as graphic as I was afraid it would be. Still traumatic, but not disturbing.
Sarah's story is compelling and heartbreaking - atrocities seen through the eyes of a child who loses everything they hold dear and then carries a burden that would break anyone. I was eager to read as Julia uncovers clues and secrets long buried by people and a nation that wants to forget. Julia's own story, her marital issues, was less compelling. She came across primarily as indecisive on how to proceed with anything other than this mystery which ultimately propels the end of her marriage for her. You cheer for her when she decides to keep the baby that her husband can't contemplate for fear of realizing that he's growing old but I found myself more curious about how she continues with life after the novel ends than how it went during the story.
I have always been drawn to the events of the Holocaust and I know next to nothing about any part France played in that event so Sarah's Key was educational in that respect and I applaud de Rosnay's commitment to explore secrets that a nation may be ashamed of. It's not a popular task, nor a comfortable one, but if we bury our weaker moments without facing them then the atrocity lives on.

Room [Donoghue]
Room is the story of the existence, escape, and life of Jack, a five year old boy born to a mother who has been held prisoner by a man a la Ariel Castro for seven years. It's not exactly a happy premise so it might sound weird to say that I really loved this book but I did.
Room is told through Jack's eyes which softens the abuse present in such a living arrangement because he simply doesn't understand. Born and raised in Room, Jack's mother has shielded him [mentally - by telling him that there is nothing outside of Room, and physically - from her captor by hiding Jack in a closet at night when he comes] for five years but Room is no place for a child, let alone his mother, and so Jack, the baby who saved his mother's sanity when he was born, becomes her savior once again.
Donoghue does an incredible job of interpreting this horrific scenario as well as the aftermath through the eyes of a child. Aside from some advanced vocabulary Jack's voice is convincing and compelling, especially is the conflict between him and his mother about whether Room or Outside is where they belong. Room also explores more of the recovery portion of such an experience than we typically see in those few news accounts of similar real-life occurrences and the frustrations and struggles both Jack and his mother go through shows a deeper level of humanity that pulls your heart along on strings. Room is not a book I would give to younger teens but the unique way in which the subject matter is presented makes it accessible to a much younger audience than any other book that touches on this topic.

The Forgotten Garden [Morton]
This is another historical fiction piece and the fact that the whole thing is set up like a mystery novel that spans five generations only adds to my assumptions about lurking affairs and other infidelity. While nothing really adulterous happens in The Forgotten Garden, the familial drama that the mystery of Nell's history is founded upon is pretty screwed up. I mean, there were normal families in the 1800s right? Somewhere? Morton writes from three different character perspectives and on two different timelines for each character which gets a little confusing, especially as she jumps character and time period frequently to add to the sense of confusion and suspense.
The mystery is picked up by Nell's granddaughter who digs into the past to discover Nell's origins and the events that led to her being discovered on an Australian pier alone at four years old. You want Cassandra to solve the mystery because Nell had been so close herself before events prevented her from discovering the final clues but I struggled to care much about Cassandra herself. The women of each generation has their own story of heartache and struggle, Cassandra's being the death of her husband and young son some 10 years earlier. She has her own personal story arc, coming to terms and moving on, etc, but I found myself completely uninterested in whether or not she would find happiness again because I was so much more invested in getting closure for Nell.
Morton does plant a thorough maze to be navigated but the darker tones of the family's past scandals unbalanced the plot for me in a way that left me annoyed and dissatisfied even in the end. Forgotten Garden is dense with symbolism and questionable moral decisions that I'm sure really suit readers who enjoy gothic novels, it just didn't suit me quite as well.

Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet [Ford]
Bitter and Sweet tells the story of first generation Chinese American Henry Lee who witnessed the deportation of Japanese families to internment camps throughout the west during the second world war, his forbidden friendship and love for a young Japanese girl, and his search for her years later. Ford tells this story alternating between 1940s and 1980s Seattle where Henry has spent his entire life minus a short span in China for traditional finishing school. The opening of the Panama Hotel, like a time capsule that has housed the belongings of Japanese families for decades throws Henry's mind back to his childhood and the standout character in it - Keiko. Having lost his wife to cancer, Henry makes the cautious decision to dig into a past he's tried to forget in search of a precious record that ties him to this old sweetheart he'd assumed to be lost forever. His journey encompasses his son and reflects on the inherited nature of parent-child relationships and how we take people we've known all our lives at face value. The voice of this story treads carefully and the weight of years feels almost tangible in the narration.
Bitter and Sweet gives another, and perhaps a more unique look at this period of American history and its impact on those people most affected by it short of being shipped off themselves. How we approach tradition, family, and change are central themes in Henry's quiet life and his reflections have a way of sticking with you.

The Glass Castle [Walls]
Walls' childhood was made for a memoir and reads like fiction. You find yourself constantly questioning whether the events you're reading could actually have happened to someone because the bizarre manner in which her parents approached life doesn't seem real. Doing "the skedaddle" from place to place for the first decade or so of her life, Walls and her siblings didn't encounter stability until their family moved back to her father's hometown in West Virginia and the stability they found there was the kind that erodes all of the daydream, fantasy, and excuses that convinced you your parents were simply "eccentric" and "explorers."
Glass Castle is a gripping read because you want to see how Walls' life turns out - how does a child survive a life like that? And while I spent the majority of the book bursting with anger at her parents for their sorry excuse for parenting and providing, it's interesting to see how Walls herself acknowledges the strong family loyalty and love she felt for them without shying away from their failings. It's an admirably mature look back on a life that is laced with events equally fantastic and horrific.

Half-Broke Horses [Walls]
In Horses, Walls endeavors to tell the story of her maternal grandmother who's life was so varied in pursuit and experience as to be innately admirable. Told in her grandmother's distinctive voice, we follow her journey from the ranches of west Texas and Arizona  to her time as a school teacher throughout the ranges of the west. Several years and a marriage based on deceit in Chicago send her back home with a larger view of the world as well as a deep-rooted distrust of men. Lily takes on the increasingly regulated school system, the tragic death of her sister, breaking and racing horses, learning to drive, and even flying lessons as her driven life rolls forward by her own determination to seize opportunities. Lily is remembered as a strong, stubborn yet fair woman who stood and fought for equality and the empowerment of women long before those movements had touched the desert west where she forged a life.
Horses is, obviously, set before Glass Castle so it was interesting for me to go back in time and learn about Walls' grandmother. Walls' own mother had always asserted that her mother had been a tyrant, oppressive and overbearing, and that she wanted to be nothing like her. To see where Lily's daughter's account met with and differed from the facts as shown in Horses recast Glass Castle in a new light in my memory.

Paper Towns [Green]
I've picked up several of Green's books in passing before but never settled to read any for a myriad of reasons but with the movie coming out I thought I'd give this one a go. [I'm waiting to try Fault in Our Stars until the hype for that movie dies out some more] I'm not going to summarize much here because chances are a lot of you have either read this or are familiar enough with the upcoming film to know the gist of the story.
I wasn't entirely sure how I felt about this book when I'd finished it. Green somehow manages to write a story that has both profound commentary on how we view people, and fail to view them, and that feeling of "fluff" that I generally associate with the younger end of the YA spectrum. I love that he addressed the Manic Pixie Dream Girl trope [and destroyed it so thoroughly] and Q's growth through that experience is satisfying although his narration feels older than that of a high school senior. I enjoyed his characterization of Q's group and more minor characters. Such detailed attention isn't often paid to the supporting cast of a novel like this but while I enjoyed picking up those tidbits they also felt somewhat superfluous to the story at large in a way that made me wonder if this was intentional on Green's part.
Paper Towns is a quick read and it poses many thought-provoking questions as well as taking you on a suspenseful ride with an ending that will come as a surprise to most. I'm curious to see how the movie interprets it.

Steelheart [Sanderson]
Guys. GUYS. I got this book from the library for my husband to read and when he finished it he insisted that I read it. He's long been adding Sanderson books to my future reading list but this is the first of his that I've read aside from his wrap up of The Wheel of Time. Guys, I finished Steelheart two weeks ago and it's still blowing my mind!
Ten years prior to the setting of the story an event occurred that gifted everyday men and women with extraordinary powers but the world David lives isn't full of superheroes. Sanderson has created what would [unfortunately] probably be a more realistic outcome of such a fantastic event. Epics, as people call them, fight each other for dominion over those without special abilities. The world has devolved into fractioned territories and states, each ruled by it's own individual or group of Epics and no one fights back, except the Reckoners. This underground resistance is dedicated to discovering the weaknesses of Epics and assassinating them one by one. David's father was killed by Steelheart when he conquered what was once Chicago and David is determined to join the Reckoners. He needs them to enact his revenge but they need him too. Steelheart is, for the sake of brevity, a super evil Superman. With similar powers and invincibility Steelheart has reigned without serious challenge for ten years. His invulnerability is taken as cannon by most but David knows differently. The day Steelheart killed his father, David saw Steelheart bleed and he's determined to see it again.
Steelheart is a much darker interpretation of the superhero genre that Sanderson crafts with incredible skill. A blend of fantasy and scifi, this book builds you up with comfortable character elements and tropes before pulling the floor out from under you in a way that will leave you reeling for days. By the time the twists and revelations started coming I wasn't aware of chapter breaks anymore in my desperate need to inhale the last third of the book. Steelheart calls up for debate the way we define heroism, evil, and human nature. I've probably done a fairly awful job of describing it but it has been ages since I've read something this honestly surprising, satisfying, and engaging and I strongly recommend it to anyone who has any interest in the fantasy, scifi, and superhero genres. Steelheart is set as the first in a trilogy and I can't wait to get my hands on Firefight but for those who are tired of the trilogy trend, Steelheart can largely stand on its own. There are some loose strings to help lead into the next book but there aren't any obnoxious cliff-hangers that hold the main story arc hostage until you've read the whole set.

The Tenant of Wildfell Hall [Bronte]
Okay, I checked this book out with my original stack of 9 because it's what we decided to read for our book group [which meets tonight] so I should have read it first probably but I just finished it today. And man, it was a bit of a roller coaster! I've read Jane Eyre before and I've seen Wuthering Heights so I was curious to see whether Alice would fall closer to Charlotte or Emily and, thankfully for me, Wildfell Hall is much closer in tone and morals to Jane Eyre than Wuthering Heights [which I regard with the same distaste as Gone With the Wind. What can I say, I have to be able to sympathize with the main character] The best summary I've heard for Wildfell Hall is that it's like Jane Eyre meets Pride and Prejudice which, having finished it, I can now say is pretty accurate.
It took me a little while to get into the story. As I've said before, gothic romance-era literature isn't my favorite. I struggle with the language used as well as the ridiculously long sentences that tend to crop up. The book is written from the PoV of Gilbert Markham, writing this history in letters to a friend. The first third of the book, where Markham becomes acquainted with Helen Graham, the mentioned tenant, felt a little long and overwrought but once he began transcribing the contents of the lady's diary [and thus detailing her history and how she came so mysteriously to reside at Wildfell] I became much more invested. Helen's life has been plagued with a husband who doesn't deserve the title and the vast majority of the story is about her relationship and escape from him. It's a tale of neglect and abuse that isn't exactly new but Bronte has constructed such a believable heroine who skillfully toes that line between being admirable and being overly good that you at once pity her circumstances and wish you could bear life's trials as she does. Suspense over the long-term happiness of Gilbert and Helen as well as several other characters is constantly thrown into question with suspense that is believable but happily vindicated. I'm still a total sucker for stories that end happily, as this one does, and I feel Bronte did a wonderful job of balancing the turmoil and trials of less happy books with positive turns that don't feel contrived or forced.
Wildfell Hall is chock full of religious references and imagery that didn't bother me, though those who are less religiously inclined themselves might roll their eyes at it. But I think it's this connection that, for me, makes the happy endings satisfactory. I don't believe that life is all easy and smooth. But while obstacles, tribulations, and misunderstandings can make a right mess of things, I do believe that those who strive to live as best they can with a perspective on the eternities, will be brought to points where their misfortunes and abuses will be recompensed. I'm excited to discuss this one tonight.


Now I am determined to finally finish A Memory of Light [Jordan/Sanderson] so I can put The Wheel of Time series to rest!

Friday, June 26, 2015

my ceramics final

My final was on Thursday and it was the easiest final I've ever had. It consisted of sorting my pieces out of everyone else's and showing them to my professor who looked at them, complimented my work overall and a few items in particular, and wished me a pleasant summer. Other teachers take note - finals don't have to be so painful as you always make them out to be!

I really enjoyed taking this class - a whirlwind adventure of eight weeks - and while I didn't learn everything about ceramics I did learn many things so I thought I'd share some of those things with you while sharing the 20 pieces that survived my journey through the process. [warning: this is a pretty long post so if you just scroll through to see the pictures no one is judging you] 

Many Things You Never Necessarily Wanted to Know About Ceramics:
[the lighting in my apartment is not stellar so forgive the less-than-professional cellphone photography]
We spent the entirety of the class working on the wheels and if you're not comfortable with getting really up-close and personal with an inanimate object then pottery might not be the field for you. 

After wedging the clay [think kneading bread], which rids it of air bubbles that would cause major problems down the road, you have to center the clay on the wheel head. This is accomplished by applying pressure with both hands. One - elbow planted firmly on your thigh, functioning as a vertical surface that determines the diameter of the clay on the wheel. The other - pressing on the top of the clay with the corner formed on the side of your hand when you make a fist, compressing the clay down until you have what amounts to a fat disk. Centering was probably one of the trickiest things for me. It sounds silly, but you can't describe what a centered piece of clay feels like, you have to feel it. But knowing that feeling doesn't mean you'll be able to consistently accomplish it on any given day. Even professional potters have times when they just can't get it right. Aside from that, though, it's mostly about force. You have to really push down to center a ball of clay and the bigger the ball, the harder you have to push. I personally ended up sore in my shoulders in a way I haven't experienced before. 

We started out with cylinders, more commonly known as cups. This was primarily an exercise in pulling clay up to create a form and keeping the thickness consistent - practice well used on our first project: mugs.

[this is what can happen when glazing doesn't go very well]
The only requirements here were that the piece have a handle and functionality [lip feels good in your mouth, specifically]. I'll willingly admit that ceramics in general, and wheel-throwing in particular, being so new to me made this first venture pretty intimidating which is why these first eight mugs are all sized just about for a child's tea party [or, as Tim has pointed out, espresso, if we drank it]. Though part of their diminutive size was a result of how much clay shrinks when it dries [and again when it's fired]. This clay had about a 13% shrink ratio [yes, I made that term up, but they really do shrink that much] so while none of these first ones were terribly large on the wheel, they were larger than they are now. But they're cute, so I kept them. 






 Handles are applied when the cup portion of the mug is 'leather hard' - a tactile measure of dryness where the clay feels about the same as a block of cheddar cheese. [trimming - shaping the bottom of a piece while it spins, upside-down on the wheel - is also done at this stage. this is also when you can do a lot of decorative work, like carving, or other additives like handles] You score the areas where the handle will attach - adding a touch of water to create a slurry - then, taking a flattened cylinder of clay, you attach one end to the mug and then 'pull' the handle to the length you want with smooth downward strokes, the handle-clay perpendicular to the floor. I can't say that I'm a huge fan of handles. They're finicky things and if you don't get them on right they can fall off as the piece continues to dry or in the kiln if air bubbles get trapped between the handle and the mug. Experience is definitely the ruling factor here.

[Once you've trimmed a piece you let it dry completely. At this stage it's called 'greenware' - presumably a reference to the fact that it hasn't been fired yet. Next, we bisque-fired the pieces. This step is solely to prepare for glazing. It is possible to glaze greenware and some potters do but your glazes have to be chemically formulated for that particular process. If we'd glazed our greenware with the glazes available then every piece would have exploded in the kiln. Bisque-fired clay is still pretty fragile and water/air permeable (a result of the temperature at which it was fired) which allows the glaze to soak into the piece. (Fun Fact: the difference between earthenware and stoneware is simply the temperatures at which they are fired. Earthenware is fired at or below 20,000 degrees Fahrenheit and stoneware is fired above that temperature. As a result, stoneware is harder and more durable but not necessarily super fancy.) When we glazed we first applied a water-soluble wax to the base of our pieces (what's referred to as the 'foot'). This wax keeps glaze from adhering which would result in utter disaster in the kiln - fusing the piece to the kiln shelf because, hey, glazes are glass. Wax isn't a total guarantee either, though. If you apply the glaze to thick then in can run and if that run reaches the kiln shelf the result is the same: a piece that can only be removed via use of a hammer. (The streaks on two mugs above are results of runs) Amazingly, no pieces were lost to this tragedy in my class - an apparent first for my professor. (Additional Fun Facts: aside from runs, there are two main problems that can occur when firing a glazed piece. 'Crawling' happens when the glaze shrinks faster than the piece and results in patchy glazes that resemble lizard skin. Some potters actually formulate glazes to do this on purpose to achieve that look. 'Shivering', however, isn't a desired look. This happens when the piece shrinks faster and farther than the glaze - resulting in the glaze falling off the piece. Yikes.)]

Having made the above mugs-in-miniature, I wanted to make at least two that were truly a functional size since Tim and I generally need a mug to hold more than one swallow of water. Combining some of my favorite design aspects, I created these two. His and hers mugs, if you will. The one on the right is still a tad on the small side but usable. The green one has the same quilted pattern, it's just harder to see under a more opaque glaze.


After mugs we set out to make jars. My professor showed us three different types of rims with four accompanying types of lids. We had to choose three types of rims to make. Jars may seem like a big step up from mugs and while, for me, this project was my least favorite, it's really just an extension of our practice with cylinders. Rims are created with simple figure pressure and most of the lids are made like really small bowls. The trick here is that, for best results [although never guaranteed] you need to make the jar and lid in the same session. You can stretch this a little but if you make one too long after the other then the drying times will be too dissimilar for the two to ever hope of fitting properly.

You can tell that the lid for this first one is bigger than the jar but by the time I made it [having broken another one while trimming it] I didn't care so much so I fudged a little. The result being that I couldn't show you the rim if I wanted to because it's glazed shut - the separate parts [though fired together] swelled and shrank at different rates so the wax [which I'll explain later] made no difference. I'm not really bummed about this though. I had secretly hoped that one of my jars would glaze together so I could have a trick jar for people to try to open.

[evil laughter]

[Tim has dubbed this one 'the honey jar']
This last jar is probably my favorite. You could feel those rings on the top when I first made it and while the glaze made the surface smooth I was pleasantly surprised by the breaking that happened - making it look like a cross-section of a tree. "Breaking" is when a glaze changes color when it encounters ridges, bumps, or simply changes in thickness across a piece. Most of the glazes we used were breaking glazes which is why there is so much variation in color.

[this is also the jar with the best fitting lid. I've come to hate lids more than handles]
Our last project was "open" so we could make anything we wanted as long as it wasn't a mug or a jar. No complaints from me! The professor did show us several items that we could make if we felt like it. He explained the difference between a bowl and a cylinder [a bowl's bottom is meant to be curved rather than flat, as a cylinder's is], showed us how to make a bottle [the only requirement for this seemed to be that the opening be really really narrow], and totally blew my mind when he made what essentially amounts to a hollow doughnut [also, why is the spelling 'donut' only appropriate in the plural?]. I don't even know how to describe this process in words but it involves pulling up two sides of clay separated effectively by a channel in the piece and then guiding them together over that space. It's amazing and he explained that this technique has been used to make canteens in ancient Rome as well as various styles of vases, tea pots, and even cut in half to make handles for large pieces.

I wasn't quite ambitious enough to attempt this latter miracle, especially since my primary goal with this project was to make pieces I'd use. So I set out first to make me some bowls. Unfortunately, of the three I made, I accidentally broke the largest during trimming. [guys, one thing I've learned is that every step of the ceramics process is an opportunity for you to mess up or for something to just incredibly wrong for undetermined reasons. it gets to being about equal parts stress and excitement] The other two did survive and this first one is a great example of how you shouldn't abandon a piece just because you aren't fond of it at the moment. As much as can go wrong at each step, there are also surprises that can make something go from 'meh' to 'cool!'. I wasn't a fan of this bowl before it was glazed. I thought the shape was kind of dumb and it just looked boring but now that it's got this super sweet glaze it looks like a totally different piece to me.

[if I had realized this glaze wasn't glossy (a mistake apparently
made by my whole class) I would have glazed a ton more pieces
with it because it's awesome]
I was so terrified this bowl would break while I was carving the rim but I think karma was on my side after the first one died. Leather hard really is a good description of the stage you have to do details like this at. It honestly felt like I was working with a cold block of hard cheddar. With a sharp object no less. Yay for no injuries!

[free-handing with a needle. heck yes]
Okay, I guess technically I made four bowls but this one got a little smooshed when it decided to fly off the wheel during trimming. That really happens, guys. I can't make this up. One side got pretty dented so I decided to mirror it and add a little spout. Not entire sure what this will be used for but the glaze on it [a glossy brown that breaks to black] actually turned a bit more purple on this piece for some reason and it gave it a sheen that makes it look metallic. Totally unexpected and I doubt I could replicate it if I tried. Glazes are unpredictable that way.

[I wish I had a better picture of the sheen on this.
it honestly looks like it's made of aged iron]
Of the pieces the professor demonstrated, I did decide to try a bottle since it didn't seem super hard. Having taken this journey I can now say that it takes a bit more skill than originally anticipated but aside from that my qualm is really just that a bottle doesn't seem terribly useful in our current period of technological development aside from an artistic piece. Maybe I can use this as a single flower vase? It does have some fun spotting on it from where the glaze broke.


Speaking of vases! I was practicing the form I wanted to use for the pitchers below and the narrow portion became too thin to support the rim which caused the folding on this piece. I rather liked the look though and it's a nice size for a little vase so I kept it. I really enjoyed the matte brown glaze my professor had, both for the visual texture as well as the simplicity, but I painted some flowers in white glaze on top of it to keep it from being too boring.

[I wasn't sure what to expect in terms of the glazes interacting
but I'm pretty happy with the result. the brown broke around the
white in a way that makes the design look more organic.]

Okay, these last pieces are my pride and joys from this semester. They were the last things I made and the ones I went into with the clearest idea of what I wanted - which means there was the most opportunity to be dissatisfied with the end product.

I don't know anyone who actually uses a ceramic pitcher these days but I chose the style because I thought they'd make really cute vases and judging on the sizes they turned out to be [a little small for pitcher-purposes unless you're talking milk and cream] vases are probably their best use. They are my biggest pieces by far so throwing them was a challenge unto itself because I was using more clay than I had all semester. Now, I'm pretty tall which I figure gives me at least a small leverage advantage when it comes to centering clay on the wheel but man, I had to use as much force as I could muster from my scrawny little arms to get these guys in line. Let that be a lesson for everyone, as a small tangent, skinny does not equal fit.

Personally, I don't think flower vases should be terribly ornate. I mean, the purpose is to show off the flowers, right? Complement them, at most. It was as I was pondering what glaze to use to achieve this goal that our professor showed us a series of slides [on a legit slide projector that he stole years ago from the art history department because they wouldn't get him a projector because 'it would get dirty'] of various potters' work. As we were observing the various styles he talked about the history of glazing in the United States. The art of glaze creation and use wasn't brought to the states until long after colonial America when pottery all looked a lot like this:


I grew up somewhat acquainted with this kind of crockery and the simplistic, rustic aesthetic completely answered my design needs. Now, we didn't have a grey glaze [probably because that would be boring] so, on our last day to glaze [praying I didn't screw up because I didn't have an additional 24 hours for the pieces to dry again before a second attempt] I settled for a white base with light blue for the detail work. 

We didn't have enough time to do a full glaze run of our early pieces to see how they glazes would react in practice - and they look nothing like their final form when you apply them: 
[you can match these to the tiny mugs by shape]

- so yesterday morning was the first time I saw any of these pieces and while I was excited for all of them it was these pitchers that I was looking for most anxiously.

And they could not have turned out better.


I'm so ridiculously happy with these that last night I kept glancing over at them on my kitchen table and just grinning like a lunatic.

I had a total blast in this class and it was so satisfying to end it with a small horde of objects I made. What can I say, research papers just don't do the same thing for me. I'm even proud of the pieces I don't super love which is making the decision of which to send my dad as a belated birthday present much more difficult than anticipated!